It's baaaack!

I haven't done a NMM post in forever, but that's OK because it juuuust started back up! This past week I've been mentally taking note of things to include in this post.  We've had a lot of moments that just never happened in our perfectly manicured lives (haha), and this may or may not be some of them:

 I certainly did not buy an obscene amount of clothes/shoes online this week.  I am not addicted to online shopping, nor am I head-over-heels in love with these puppies:

Furthermore, they are not 4 1/2 inches tall...possibly putting me at 6'1".  Possibly.

I also did not witness my son, ahem, peeing in our church's prayer garden.  Oh no! If said incident did happen, I definitely did not let him finish before scolding him...I mean, he had to finish, right?!

I definitely did not keep my son home from school last Monday because I felt completely crappy.  I mean, he did still have a cough from the weekend and could have totally used an extra recovery day, yeah?

Finally, I was not that crazy/creepy coupon lady at the store who forgot her wallet and had Customer Service keep my cart with them while I ran back home to get it.  First off, what kind of person could be organized enough to get $100 worth of food for $10, but not remember to bring a form of payment? Also, I would not have given them the instructions to "not let any crazy coupon binder person take my stuff!"....NOT ME!!! 

Did you have any moments that just didn't happen in your household?

Good Monday morning, y'all! This week I decided to mix my "Not me!" Monday post up, and write a "Not My Child!" entry. I think that I was a fabulous mother this past week ((ahem)) and would rather focus on the HI-larious shenanigans of my little two year old. If you're familiar with our family or our blog, you know that William is a spunky, free-spirited, toddler that loves to make people laugh. This post is all about things that William may (or may not) have done this past week:
**First off, my son was not persistent in asking me to paint his big toes while giving myself a pedicure. Furthermore, he did not insist on wearing his camo flip-flops all. week. long. No, no, no! Not my child!
**William did not learn a new trick this week: eating Pez straight out of the dispenser without using his hands. This trick was not taught to him by his father, nor are we banking on it getting him into an Ivy League school. Ha! Not, my child!
**My child did not run into the room with my breast pump over his mouth, pretending it was his inhaler mask. I did not laugh my head off and call his father before telling him not to play with such things. Nope, not us!
**William did not shamelessly try to "pick up" a 5 year old at story time last week. He did not slyly make his way over to her by sliding down the false-wood bench. He also did not try and hold her hand several times, with her looking at me like, "lady, get your baby off of me!". No, not William!
**Finally, my child has not been wearing a bucket on his head for the past two mornings. He does not try to drink his juice while wearing it, nor did he run into the door post 5 minutes ago. Not my child!
((The following is not proof that my son is a bucket-head))

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

First off, I did not plop my son in front of the TV and put on “Diego” in order to write this post. Secondly, the following may (or may not) have happened in our hectic household this week:

-While shopping for Easter candy, I certainly did not pick out all of my favorites in hopes that my son would grow to have them as his as well! I also did not chow down on Reese’s eggs last night, at 11:30, while lying in bed watching old reruns of “Friends”. Nope, not me!

-I was not the mom who was caught yelling, “do you think I would steal a kid that this bad?!”, to nosey strangers while dragging a kicking and screaming 2 year old out of the mall. I definitely did not treat myself to Wendy’s afterwards nor did I indulge in a full glass of wine at 4:00 in the afternoon. Not me!!

- This week was not my first week back to work since Madelyn’s birth (ahem…12 weeks ago) and I definitely did not miss my newborn but enjoy the break from my toddler. I certainly would not admit to such bias! Not me!

- I did not teach my son how to drive his cars on mommy’s back as a sort of pseudo-massage! Not me!

-Etsy definitely did not receive a hefty order from my username. I was not the one who ordered adorable pillowcase dresses (and matching bloomers) for my daughter. Nope, not me!

- I was not the mom who consigned my daughter’s newborn clothes rather than saving them all. I would not prefer to buy new clothes for our future children despite how wasteful that may be, and I do not want another baby already. No, no, no, not me!

-Finally, I did not snap 7 pictures of my child stuffing his face with candy over the course of our Easter weekend. Not me! (and the following are not the above mentioned images):