I feel so defeated- I started back on my Zoloft today. Granted, I am on half the dose I was, so I guess that makes me only 50% defeated? Maybe? Ok, we'll go with that.
Anyway, after months of praying and going back and forth with whether or not I should resume taking it, I finally broke down and called my midwife's office. I filled them in on how stressful the past months have been, that I have constant worry and anxiety and it's more than I can handle. After talking for some time, we decided on resuming, but at a 50 mg. dosage rather than the 100 mg. I expressed my worry about being on it too long because we do want more kids (at some point) and I don't want to be on it through my pregnancy (but I also don't want to go through all the withdraws and then get hit with pregnancy symptoms either).
I hate being dependent on a drug. It's such a horrible feeling to think that you are having trouble handling this life for one reason or another, and you need to rely on a medication to help you through it. Then I started to think, "I'm a Christian, and my faith is stronger now that it's ever been...why do I feel such a gut-wrenching worry all the time? Is my faith not as strong as it should be?". I know that I cannot handle this life alone, which is why I walk with the Lord. If I walk with Him, why do I need this medicine to help me cope? Why is reading His word and praying not enough? These aren't rhetorical questions, so please feel free to shoot me your thoughts! I'd also appreciate your prayers as I try to find a nice balance. You guys rock!