I painted my toes.
I shaved my legs.
I laid out my "best" pair of underwear.
I pulled out my "pap mantra" to stick in my pocket
(Isaiah 41:13 written on a note card).
Tomorrow I have a follow-up pap, and that always makes me jittery. This time last year I had my annual appointment and it came back "abnormal". A week later I had a colposcopy. Six months later I had follow-up pap that came back "normal". Now, here I am. I realize that it will most likely come back "normal" and I won't have to be back for another year or two, but what if it doesn't? I am so ready to shed this cloak of fear that I've been living under for the past year. Not knowing what the test results will show this time. To me, these appointments are a huge source of worry:
I worry about the word "abnormal".
I worry about having another colposcopy
(not horrible, but certainly not enjoyable).
I worry about cancer.
I worry about not being around for my babies.
Because I worry, I pray- it's the only thing that helps. I scribble verses down to repeat to myself. Verses of promise, hope, and God's love for us. As mentioned above, Isaiah 41:13 is a favorite of mine to have on hand for such occasions:
"For the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand saying unto thee, fear not; I will help thee."
I ask that if you get the chance, please say a prayer for me tomorrow. I know that no matter the outcome, our Father is going to be right there beside me, holding my hand though. So for now, I will pray, chant, and primp as if I'm going on a date. I wonder if my doctor appreciates the effort?!